Sean Altman uses satire and melody to spread the message that people of all backgrounds should consider foregoing circumcision for their newborn sons. |
By REBECCA WALD
“Moishe Pipik”—directly
translated from the Yiddish this phrase means “Moses Bellybutton.” It’s an
illusive, archaic, Jewish expression that might be used to describe a prankster,
one who pushes the boundaries of acceptable mischief. Sean Altman is a
modern-day Moishe Pipik, a contrasting player of wisdom (Moses) and humor
(bellybutton), with a voice as rich, silky and complex as a Jewish grandma’s
chicken soup broth.
I stumbled upon Altman’s
work because his hilarious new music video “Phantom Foreskin” is
making rounds among my Facebook friends. I quickly learned that Altman isn’t
just another guy singing parodies. He’s an accomplished vocalist, lyricist and
satirist who gained widespread attention as the founder of Rockapella. That’s
the pioneer acapella group and vocal house band featured on the 1990s hit PBS show “Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?” Altman wrote and sang the iconic theme song.
Currently, Altman is the
creative mind and voice behind JEWMONGOUS, an original comedy song concert that
takes an irreverent look at all things Jewish. He also leads The GrooveBarbers, hailed by The Village
Voice as “acapella rock and soul royalty.” Lesser known are two of Altman’s
phenomenal lyric videos, “Follow
Me to Heaven” and “Know
Me.” Both are singles from his forthcoming, non-comedic album SALT. “Know
Me” is a haunting tune in which Altman claims he wants you to know him but then
devilishly turns the tables. After hearing that song, I yearned to find out
more. Fortunately, Sean Altman was happy to oblige.
Rebecca: I love Jewish humor and would even say it’s high art. What is it about Jewish comedy that
you find so appealing?
Sean: My comedy song act JEWMONGOUS is my own
quirky way of connecting with my ancestry. As a proud, secular Jew I take
tremendous pride in the Tribe’s achievements and values. I long to feel
like I’m a contributing member of the team, but I have no interest in praying
to a deity I don’t believe in. I’m an observant Jew in that I like to
observe other Jews. Thus I’ve channeled three things I
love—singing, songwriting and joke telling—into a project that explores my
people’s idiosyncratic nature, in comedic song. There’s also an obvious
nod to my funny Jewish forbears—everyone from Mel Brooks and Woody Allen to
the brash Jewish comics of the last 15 years: Sacha Baron Cohen, Sarah Silverman,
Jon Stewart, Andy Samberg, et cetera.
Rebecca: Any thoughts on
why Jewish people have played such a large role in American comedy over the
past century?
Sean: Although there’s
nothing inherently funny about Judaism (ok, maybe strapping a box of tefillin to one’s head), I believe that
the oppression that my people have suffered for thousands of years has
engendered humor as a survival mechanism. When your village is ransacked, your
house is confiscated by the government you trusted and your sister is getting
molested by Cossacks, humor is one of the things that enables you to survive.
It’s no accident that the two funniest and most comically influential ethnic
groups in the USA—Jews and Blacks—have both suffered years of discrimination. Oppression
clearly begets comedy!
Rebecca: You’ve got an
amazing voice. Was there a specific time in your childhood when you realized
your talent for singing? Tell me about that. Do you have a long tradition of
singers in your family?
Sean: My mom, my dad and
my stepmom are all musical, and I’m grateful that they exposed me to folk,
rock, classical, musical theater, calypso, pop and R&B. Regarding my
awareness of my own abilities, I do recall singing in the back row of my first
grade chorus in the Bronx and thinking “Hmm, there sure are a lot of kids here
singing off key.” I’m the only member of my family who ever attempted a
career as a performer, so in that way I’m the family maverick and the only one
without good health insurance or a retirement plan.
Rebecca: Do you have a hard
time keeping your material clean enough to have a wide appeal? Does this even
factor into your creative process?
Sean: People regularly
come up to me after a JEWMONGOUS concert and say “Wow, that was musically
wonderful and hilarious and I’d love to present it at my synagogue. Do you have
a clean version of the show?” Like I’m going to create an entirely alternate
set of lyrics, replete with obsessive internal rhyming! As much as I hate to
admit it I do have alternate clean (a.k.a. watered-down) lyrics for a few of the
songs. I have several other “clean” music projects: The GrooveBarbers
(acapella group), Doowopera (doowop mashed up with opera), The Everly Set
(Everly Brothers tribute act) and my own Sean Altman repertoire of bittersweet
originals and covers.
Rebecca: You’ve addressed
the circumcision topic with some frequency in your songs. In your new video
“Phantom Foreskin,” you sing a ballad to your long-lost flesh. Do you really
wish that you hadn’t been circumcised or is the foreskin just something funny
to joke about? Ever thought of (or tried) foreskin restoration?
Sean: “Foreskin
restoration” sounds suspiciously like “vaginal rejuvenation.” With my luck,
they’d get the skin color match wrong and I’d end up with a zebra-stripey
penis. When I was in Rockapella I used to joke that we were “available
for your next wedding, bar mitzvah, bris or even ‘sirb’—the reverse
process.” Who could have predicted that the miracle of modern medicine
would make my futuristic sirb dream a reality? In fact, I’m perfectly happy
with my schvantz although—like most
men—I wish it were three times its current size and could speak French.
Rebecca: What about the movement that’s questioning circumcision? Where do you stand?
Sean: I’m pro-choice,
squarely on the side of penile rights: I believe in every pecker’s God-given
right to choose its own fate. Seriously, though, as much as I respect
certain Jewish traditions, I’m grateful that the intactivist movement has made
young parents of all religions aware of the leave-well-enough-alone option.
Rebecca: You said somewhere that you chose S&M as
your bar mitzvah theme. Were you
kidding? I’ve always wondered about the lasting impact of circumcision on the
male psyche. When extreme pain is the first experience a person has from their
sex organs it can’t be good. Thoughts?
Sean: Indeed, the
S&M-themed bar mitzvah is merely
a joke, although the truly crappy food at my bar mitzvah did cause me great
(albeit not sexual) humiliation. I agree; the pain of the snip can’t possibly
be a happy memory, although—let’s face it—the anguish of being expelled from
one’s impossibly cozy home of nine months into the chilled, fluorescent-lit air
of a hospital room is probably no picnic either.
Rebecca: As far as Jewish people opting out of circumcision, what’s your sense of the trend?
Sean: A few of my intermarried friends have opted out of circumcision for their boys, and I respect and applaud their decisions. I suspect that over the next hundred years the practice of circumcision may fade away along with other questionable Jewish traditions like answering a question with a question and gefilte fish. But wait, I’m now going to reveal what no one else has the chutzpah to admit, or maybe no one has thought of it. The intactivist movement’s single biggest, unutilized weapon is porn. It’s no secret that in spite of its myriad detractors, the porn industry is here to stay and grows more pervasive by the minute, driving technology in the process. The minute the most common porn image of the boner is uncircumcised is the minute the tide will begin to shift. You’re welcome, America.
Sean: A few of my intermarried friends have opted out of circumcision for their boys, and I respect and applaud their decisions. I suspect that over the next hundred years the practice of circumcision may fade away along with other questionable Jewish traditions like answering a question with a question and gefilte fish. But wait, I’m now going to reveal what no one else has the chutzpah to admit, or maybe no one has thought of it. The intactivist movement’s single biggest, unutilized weapon is porn. It’s no secret that in spite of its myriad detractors, the porn industry is here to stay and grows more pervasive by the minute, driving technology in the process. The minute the most common porn image of the boner is uncircumcised is the minute the tide will begin to shift. You’re welcome, America.
"The intactivist movement’s single biggest, unutilized weapon is porn... The minute the most common porn image of the boner is uncircumcised is the minute the tide will begin to shift. You’re welcome, America."
ReplyDeleteI reached a similar conclusion some years ago, building on the fact that porn has led millions of women to take a hedge trimmer to their nether hair...
And I agree with the DC Reform rabbi who told the Washington Post that when the sort of American goyishe boys who are headed for Ivy League schools have natural shvzantzes, secular and Reform Jewish families will follow suit with a delay of no more than 30 years.