At Beyond the Bris, we’ve long sought to give space to Jewish voices questioning circumcision—not in spite of their Jewish identity, but because of it. Fred is one of those voices: a deeply committed Jew, a critic of circumcision, and a men’s rights advocate with a unique perspective shaped by decades of activism. In this deeply personal conversation, Fred reflects on his Jewish identity, the often-overlooked gender double standards surrounding bodily autonomy, and the uphill struggle to generate empathy for boys and men. Fred also shares hard-earned insights from years of organizing.
Please note: While Beyond the Bris is committed to amplifying diverse viewpoints from within the Jewish community, Fred’s views about the men’s rights movement are his own and do not reflect the views or positions of this platform.
Rebecca: When we chatted on Zoom, you mentioned how you first learned about circumcision—your own. Can you talk about that experience?
Fred: I will never forget that day. I don’t remember my age, but definitely elementary school and probably early elementary school. I was playing at my grandparents’ house when an elderly Jewish woman came by to visit. She screeched when she saw me, “Freddy, look how big you are! I haven’t seen you since your bris!” My confusion turned to horror when I learned what that word meant. “You mean, they cut off part of my penis? And not only did this to me, but celebrated! And invited strangers to watch?” I felt so violated.
My mom was a wonderful woman, but one of her flaws was that she could never apologize for anything. Having me circumcised was the one thing I can remember her apologizing for in the 68 years we were alive together. I had never expressed blame or resentment toward her about my circumcision, but she blurted out an apology all on her own.
Rebecca: You have a complex set of identities. You’re not only a men’s rights activist, but also a proud Jew, an involved member of two synagogues, and you’re against circumcision. Can you identify your overarching belief system that ties all of these identities together?
Fred: My youth was very infused with Jewish culture, but not overly religious, so it’s hard to say what values stem from religion and what values I simply picked up along the way. For example, I’m very much committed to making the world a better place (or at least, trying not to leave it worse), but I internalized that value before I ever heard the phrase tikkun olam. Also, hypocrisy and double standards have always driven me crazy, even before I saw how those concepts are at the very heart of antisemitism.
Rebecca: How do you see gender double standards playing a role in society’s acceptance of male circumcision?
Fred: When the law forbids you even to touch female genitalia without consent or medical necessity, at the same time that we wantonly amputate thousands of healthy erogenous nerve endings from boys, the double standard is offensive to me, as is the hypocrisy of phrases like “My Body, My Choice” when it is proclaimed as a universal rule for everyone — except for half of humanity.
Rebecca: What about gender double standards specifically in the context of Jewish circumcision?
Fred: I grew up in a largely Jewish city and there was not a single female rabbi, nor in my experience, was there any discussion of one. Now, there are more than a dozen rabbis where I live and about half of them are women. I am convinced that if we did anything like circumcision to baby Jewish girls instead of boys, the same feminists who completely transformed the rabbinical landscape within my lifetime would have long ago taught most of us to be horrified by circumcision.
I remember one Jewish feminist dismissing circumcision as an issue and doing the “what about” avoidance thing, where she brought up that my sister wasn’t bat mitzvahed like me. So I turned to my sister and asked, “Which would you have chosen if you had had the option: getting circumcised, then going to Hebrew school for years and then having a bar mitzvah or none of that but having your sweet sixteen party?”
Rebecca: What’s a big misconception about the men’s rights movement?
Fred: Since there is a lot of ignorance about men’s issues and the men’s movement, every group of dissatisfied men gets lumped into the “men’s movement” by the media and by critics. It would be like lumping Phyllis Schlafly’s Eagle Forum together with feminists—after all, their leaderships and memberships are both female! The men’s movement that I co-founded is all about equality, both for women and for men. And the sad thing is that, since feminists have been so successful at stifling discussion of men’s issues, the inevitable backlash to feminist sexism might end up pushing us back toward traditional sexism instead of forward to true equality.
Rebecca: Why do you think it’s so difficult to generate empathy for boys and men in conversations about bodily autonomy and sexual harm?
Fred: Society has a huge investment in not having empathy for males, as well as teaching boys and men not to ask for or expect empathy. How else could we be okay with the millions of men we sacrifice in wars, while being appalled by violence against women (to cite just one example).
One of the rationales behind laws forbidding women from walking around naked is that men would be so turned on by naked women that we’d be unable to control ourselves. In contrast, one of the rationales behind laws forbidding men walking around naked is that women would be disgusted, or even frightened.
Injuries to male genitals and the resulting pain are literally a staple of humor — even in children’s programming! Fighting male circumcision in a society which literally laughs at sexual assaults against boys and men is inevitably difficult.
Rebecca: Can you share a story about a big win in the men’s rights movement that you can draw conclusions from — or a big loss that’s been particularly instructive?
Fred: There have frankly been no big wins that come to mind. Don’t forget, the left rarely helps men because “men don’t have any serious problems and they already have it too good.” Meanwhile, the right rarely helps men because “a real man doesn’t complain and simply ‘mans up.’”
I had hoped the release of Cassie Jaye’s The Red Pill would be a breakthrough. Cassie, an award-winning documentary filmmaker, believed the feminist narrative that the men’s rights movement was just a bunch of losers, resentful of the progress women have made and whining about minor issues. She decided to do an exposé, but after years of research and interviews, she realized that we are intelligent people, in loving relationships, totally supportive of equality for women, and addressing issues that are serious for men and women and children. She had incredible integrity, realized that the closest thing to a villain was the feminist movement which was suppressing our voices, and made a movie 180 degrees opposite from what she had planned. Unfortunately, the same pattern of suppressing discussion of men’s issues was directed against Cassie’s movie, and feminist intimidation of theater owners and feminist dissemination of misinformation largely suppressed the movie.
Rebecca: Based on your experience as an activist, what do you think is critical for making progress on circumcision-related issues?
I used to go to the Capitol in the state where I started this and testify at hearings. One time, a prominent legislator (I think he was even the Majority Leader, but this was decades ago and my memory is hazy) pulled me aside after a hearing. He said “Fred, you are always coming here and making valid points, but let me tell you something about the political system. You could propose a bill which says that Tuesday comes after Monday, and we won’t pass it. You have to show us that you can deliver votes for us.” So, Rebecca, building membership is important.
Also, go after low-hanging fruit, do public demonstrations, get coverage which will attract people who didn’t know that they are not the only ones thinking what you are thinking, and the movement will grow. For example, the recent case of baby Cole Groth, who had serious heart surgery and then almost died from a circumcision they did before he had recovered from the surgery. Picket that hospital and get some reporters to cover it. I think almost anyone would be sympathetic to the idea that circumcision is not inherently “routine.” Of course, that’s a human thing, not a Jewish thing.
Rebecca: If someone is interested in learning more about the men’s rights movement, where would you direct them?
Fred: Since this is your final question, I want to take the opportunity to thank you, Rebecca, for giving me a platform to speak. Because of space constraints, I had to leave a lot out, but it’s far better than nothing. Now for my answer.
There are lots of good authors out there, but my favorite author is Dr. Warren Farrell. I’d encourage them to read Why Men Are the Way They Are (1986), The Myth of Male Power (1993), Why Men Earn More (2005), and The Boy Crisis (2018).
